Married with Kids

At least the weekend ended better than it started. Why the hell does this keep happening? I think a lot of weight will be lifted from both our shoulders if the new mortgage deal goes through. Then its time to cut up the credit cards and start again.
Kids? Despite nearly running Ben over because the idiot has no road sense, not bad

M has been stealing again, and breaking into our bedroom to do it. D handled the punishment, but agreeing to let him work for his football money. Did he? Nope.

Thursday was back at Relate. Huge fight with D before going, over M and his actions (or lack of - hadn't done any chores at all). so the counselling session did not go well at all. And I'm beginning to dislike the therapist, she kept talking over me and throwing her opinions in before hearing anyone elses. Probably won't be back for a while. so I got the silent treatment before and after, although D denied it.

So 2 nights in a row I cooked, washed up, tidied up and sorted the laundry.

Friday I got a text message from D basically apologising for Thursday and how I took the brunt of it, but I'd upset her. christ I'd only shouted at her, it was nothing major. Didn't get home unti late as there was a huge accident which stopped me for an hour and a half. She was ok with me when I got back. Again, M had done nothing.

Saturday, huge huge row. The atmosphere carried on throughout the day, and I was feeling almost as low as 1st January. We talked but around in circles as usual, and I found it incredibly hard just communicating with the kids. Their attitudes didn't help matters much, but I really can't be bothered to talk to them or even interact at the moment. I feel like I could explode at them at any time with all the bickering and arguing. ALL I WANT IS SOME FUCKING PEACE AND QUIET!!! D is also upset that i'm feeling this bad as I "won't let anyone in". Of course the subject of divorce came up during our chats - she brought it up first - but despite everything I still want to make this work.
Oh yeah, I told her if I know things were going to be this bad, I wouldn't have married her. That went down incredibly well... not. Yet its ok for her to tell me the same thing? On several occasions? Hypocritical.

So its now 10pm, D's gone to bed as she can't cope with me in a mood. B's gone to bed annoyed with me because I told him he'd lost some pocket money for not doing certain jobs, and M's gone to bed again without doing any chores.

And I'm sat here thinking...again... why am I bothering?
D thinks I don't love her because I'm being "too distant". What the hell can I do about that? My marriage sucks but I'm just supposed to forget about it and be "happy"?? Doesn't work like that. I do love her dearly, but my life was a lot better when I was single.

I thought we were doing well. Counselling seemed to be working for me and D, we'd spen a lovely weekend together without rowing. A first I think.
With D's strange shifts, I'd been getting the kids up and off to school with no problems.
Then yesterday she tells me there's food missing from the cupboard upstairs. This is our storage area for food becuase if its left in the kitchen those thieving pigs will scoff it all. Nope, someone had been in the box and stolen something. M obviously as he's the only thieving bastard in the house. So I decided today that the bedroom would be locked.
Then we came home.
The chain locked had been slipped off (you can do it - my fault for not putting it on right), more food had gone and the stupid idiot had even left the light on.
Then he refused to come home, wouldn't answer his phone or texts - eventually sending one to me saying they were "threatening". Playing the fucking victim again.
He eventually arrived back about 9:20, and D shouted at him and doled out the punishent. Not me!! So now if he doesn't change his attitude then he's not coming to Cyprus with us. Quite how that's going to happen I don't know, but I hope she sticks to it.
Me? One more step along the divorce road. I'm ready to walk. I just don't want to as me and D have made so much progress over the past couple of weeks.
I told D that I felt it would get to the stage where it would be him or me, then of course I got the normal "how do you think I feel?". So I'm not allowed feelings?
Father is ringing him tomorrow, but he's about as useful as John Prescott at Weight Watchers.

And things were going so well... Idiot boy M has probably put my recovery back by at least a week tonight. first off I came home to a complete mess left by both of them, and a LOT of food been eaten. Biscuits, sweets and some of D's snackajacks. B cleaned it up, M had just left it. He eventually came home with the wrong attitude, trying to pass blame on to B, giving it the usual "what you gonna do" attitude. This is where my buttons started being pushed.
Now, both of them had to stay in to see the police over a smashed window - ours, not something they'd done. Turns out they never came after all, but M decided he had better things to do than help up out and wanted to out. Start the fight. I called him selfish, then screamed it at him - it was either that or I would have smacked him.
Then he apparently told his mum that he really hates me. When D told me this afterwards I said "the feeling's mutual". Bastard.

On the whole last week wasn't too bad. The St John's wort seem to be working and I'm not feeling so down anymore. It was pretty quiet on the children front - one major argument with M as he decided to play football for a friends team at a moment's notice, without consulting us, and coming home after 11:30 on a school night. We've had a few selfish moments today (Saturday) as well. Typical, but not as bad as normal.
Another silent treatment from D today as she'd got her heart set on going to ikea, and I said no. But its because I'd "lead her on". Stupid woman.
Relate counselling on Thursday was pretty productive, but we were discussing us-couple not us-family. Some good things came out which we're working on for the next couple of weeks.
And B has been strangely helpful over the past few days. Wierd....
D's feeling a whole lot better at work, which helps. This despite dragging me out of bed at 6am to take her to the train station. Some strange shifts. So I come home, go back to bed for half an hour, then get the kids up. But because D has explained to the kids that I was "feeling down" and they should give me grief - they're not!! Suits me fine. Did this 2 days last week with no problems, got it 4 days this week. Fingers crossed it will all work out.
And my job's getting better as well. All settled down now from the crap I had last year.